Just for you. I have one last thing to say, because i cannot bear to see u remain unhappy for the rest of your life.

I do not know you as well as ur closer friends, nor do you open up to me as you do to them.

But, i hope... that they, being ur closer friends, have the responsibility to give you advice on why you are facing so many problems in your life. Even if it means pointing out ur mistakes and such.

I'm not saying i know everything going on in your life, i know nuts. But somehow i feel you run away from problems, and your solution to other people's emotional problems is to get them distracted by fun stuff. This works, but not for all problems.

Once again i have to say all these are my assumptions, because i know nuts about u.

But i sincerely hope, that you have friends in your life who take care of you, NOT just physically... but emotionally as well.

After all, problems of the heart will affect your entire well-being as well. A happier person is most likely a healthier person. Maybe you've only been dealing with symptoms, and not got to the root of your health and life problems yet.

Shifted once more. Blogger is getting problematic siah. Enuff of wordy blogs, time to be more creatively visual~

And hopefully... time to let go of the past. ja~

I have come up with a pledge for music community haha... does it sound lame?

"We, musicians of ADM Music Community, pledge to express ourselves honestly and sincerely through our music and our words, to our audiences and to each other. Personal differences aside, we are brothers and sisters bonded by joy and melancholy. We stand equal in each other's eyes, and above all we believe in love~~~ "

I know some of us promote death and destruction, some promote love... but i believe all of u believe in love right? right right right? =D

Seriously, i was expecting us to have some sorta internal political rivarly. Hans you know i dun favour Death Metal. And sometimes i feel like i'm doing everything and you guys are just busy with ur own work. And you guys have to tolerate with my 'one-man-show' problem. And Faizal's always missing..., then he re-appears to help out lots. Now we have 2 more additional female members in the main team, Ying Tong and Iffah, drummer and guitarist respectively. They're pretty kewl girls haha~

I'm quite happy at the relationship we are maintaining lah. Proud of you people.

Just that... i dun think i'll be able to dedicate much already. I'll be going to Japan next summer for maybe a month or longer... to expose myself to the arts & design culture over there... hopefully i can crash Musashino or Tama Art University, check out their classes. Got lotsa preparation to do before i go there. Save up LOTSA money, brush up my Japanese... TAIHEN DESU NEEE~!!!

Nihon-go o choto amari wakarimasen kara, mai nichi benkyoshimasu. Soshite, okane imasen kara... kono fuyu-yasumi de hatarakimasu. Demo... Zan nen dakedo... arubaito ga imasen deshita! Souuuu~~!!!

I know ignorance is bliss. But when somethings start to affect your life, you can no longer remain ignorant.

And somehow, i still have to attempt to strike a balance. Because being extremist is not very healthy.

OH WOW. An ATTEMPT to get me pissed off? Bravoooo joe... bravo. Should i call you Johnny? Hu! Hu! Haah! Cause you really make me laugh. At the expense of your stupidity lol~

Look. The word 'loser' doesn't bother me one bit. It bothers YOU. I'm not the loser around here, obviously. You're the kid who always needs daddy's or mummy's help when you're in trouble.

You are just too naive. You think that everyone in this world is good? Man was born good yea i agree on that. But what makes you think, that by being good urself, you can influence others to follow ur example? Oh purleaseee. Most people only live for themselves. Well if you want saintly people, you might as well hang out with Christians all the time.

I too... wish the world was a better place. So that i wulden have to start farking other people up. Someone termed me as 'malicious', but bothered to check if i really was. I appreciate your concern, and your trust in me. I am not malicious, no way.

Most of us were brought up to believe good is good, and bad is bad. The media portrays it as such. Sometimes, bad becomes good, or good becomes bad, and fullstop. Only 1 phase of change.

I am speaking from my own experience, that in reality, there are subsets of layers and layers of emotions. No one is truly good. No one is truly bad. But how we were brought up, and the power of the media, locks our minds to percieve the standards of what makes good and bad.

Anyway shuddup lah Mr joebasara. No one wants to listen to your philosophical shit.

i AM taking responsibility. That's why i'm facing up to you now. No more hiding you away. i need to understand you, to understand myself.

Worst come to worst, i'll get myself hooked on Prozac. That'll make you sleeping beauty yea? awwww~~~

What's with you and the word loser? Why does that word bother you so much?

Hey. Stop being a kid. Grow up! When will you EVER take responsibility for your OWN actions?

Stop seeing me as a different entity. You are NOT having split personality. U think this is television or wad? Or Jekyll and Hyde?

I AM YOU. Please go learn to be more responsible for your own actions, lol~

Loser. Neni neni boo boo~

OooOo... this kinda reminds me of The Mask. I guess that makes me someone you WISH you could be huh? Your online persona?

You are always so blunt with words aren't you. Hurting me, hurting the people around me.

Eh this is stupid. Why should i be pressurised by people who hardly know me? By people who decide to judge me negatively without bothering to understand me deeper. These are the people who will NOT be there for you when you need them the most, and you have seen it for yourself.

Look, you've already tried to be part of them, but time and time again they ostracised you. You were stunned weren't you? This is the first time this is ever happening to you right?

I admit though, somethings you HAVE to change, because it only shows how loserish you are. But just be yourself, even if that means being a LOSER ahahahah~~~ You couldn't even walk away when that Chinese guy asked you for money, knowing he WAS a conman.

"When people go to the extremes to do such things, i believe they really need the money" That's your logic? Dear basara-_-, you're either a saint, or a fuggin retard.

Trust me. People see you as a retard. And a weirdo who talks to himself ROFL~

And yet... i feel so scared. Is this really me? Is this really how i want people to see me?

I shouldn't have tried to come into your lives. The lives of normal people. Look at all of you... laughing, smiling, playing with each other. sigh. All of you think the same way and affect each other's mentality in a way. That's why ure all friends. The majority. The norm. The usual. You all need each other.

That is something i can never accept, because of the way i grew up. I know i really don't belong with any of you. Neither are any of you able to accept who i am.

But it feels so good to be able to express myself honestly, that's not something many people want to do. Who cares how people see you? It's ur life.

The flashbacks are getting worst. I'm looking at my past in a totally different way now, with negativity that didn't even occur to me back then.

What's happening in my life now, is changing how i see my past, and subsequently affecting my view on my present, and my future. I'm seriously losing myself to hatred, despising the superficiality of the human race, despising the selfishness of mankind, despising the incorrigibility of the ignorant, and i pity the weak, the unheard, the unsung, the voiceless, the ignored, the abandoned, the meek.

I weep for this world, for the self-sacrificing, for the honourable, for the compassionate, for the responsible, for those who live for others.

For those who live for themselves... there is no wrong to that, until you hurt others.

Did any of you, as children, gang up to make fun and tease some poor kid in your school for your own entertainment?

My middle finger rises high and mighty at you. I was one of those poor kids.

My heart hardened by 10 years of consecutive emotional torment, harassed by the english speaking well to do kids, ignored by the chinese speaking neighbourhood kids, i grew to hate big popular cliques. I embraced lonliness, and only found the warmth of love at home.

Even when i minded my own business, others would come to me to look for trouble. I was happy being alone, but they had to come to disrupt my life and affect my studies.

And slowly, you grew in me. You were very patient with them, but you were feeding on my anger, storing up so much hate, until the needle broke the donkey's back, and you delivered judgement with such fury, godspeed. I held you back because you were blinded by wrath, and you were unsatisfied.

You wanted to vent everything, but you don't realise that you would have given more than they deserved. I know it's painful, but we musn't become animals like them. You must believe in love. You must have faith in the Lord. We have no right to throw judgement upon mankind, we are only human too. Let God be the judge of all.

We are not entirely alone, no matter what those few people tell us. Don't let the words of the ignorant and conceited fool you. They talk behind your back and pretend to be your friend, they think their clique equals to everyone in your life, you know better than that. You know who you are, you know who your true friends are. They call you disillusional. Let them say what they want. We have no need to prove anything to them, but only to ourselves.

Let them fight amongst themselves. We'll learn from their good points, but we are not challenging them. We are challenging ourselves.

I will take responsibility for you, even though i belong to the light and you belong to the darkness, i believe we can live in perfect harmony =) Remember, there are people in this world who love us for who we are.

Hmmz... 18K gold melts at 1675 degrees Farenheit. 14k gold melts at 1550 degrees Farenheit.

Yea even gold can melt. But so what? No one cares about these things that do not concern them anyway. Well except me maybe heh.

So... after doing the short film, we decided to really form a band hahaha~

Genre? Undefined i guess... Charles has alot of lame 'Singapura Indie' style songs, i've got emo and weird music.

Cvy learns how to play damn fast leh... i'm glad she's really into music and our nonsensical behaviour.

Paul... really busy with his work. In fact all of them are. Well, we shall take it easy and just have fun.

That's what a band is all about right? Fun.

MY FILM SUX!!! I realise i created a film with terms only i could understand, other people without the sufficient knowledge wuld fail to catch the drift. That's my biggest mistake for this film. I got carried away.

When no one help, you complain why are people like that. When people help but never meet your expectation, you blame them. And you dun even know they have their own problems. And you dun even bother to CHECK FIRST or UNDERSTAND them.

*shakes head*... very sad world for the meek. When i see people being treated like that... all i can do NOW is grit my teeth and hold my anger, and pray that God will do something about this injustice.

Teacher: "It is said... that every human being, has a light and dark side. Confucius said Man was born good, but corrupted by the world. Normally, one side is more dominant than the other."

Student basara-_-: "What happens if both sides become equal?"


Trailer Narration: This Spring... comes a psychodramatic action thriller unlike any other. A seemingly ordinary guy, leading an ordinary life, who quietly beared the burdens of life, is waging a war within himself, against... himself. A battle which involves Heaven & Hell, and a struggle to deal with the people in his life.


evil basara-_-: " You need me in this world... I have protected you from all those who hurt you. You cannot live without me."





good basara-_-: " You have ruined my life! You made me do things i wish i didn't! Will you just go away???"





evil basara-_-: " Go away? Hahahaha... i can't. Because i am YOU."



Coming to Theaters... God knows when.

我真的很傻。 I fall in love with people so deep even before anything has even started. And i get myself into situations so drama i think my life could be a TV show, more like a comedy, cause i'm the fool heh.

I really dunno what am i supposed to do. And if i knew what to do, should i even do it or just leave my mess alone? The big mess i got myself into. Someone should just tell me.

And what about next time? Am i gonna live forever like this? Should i change? Must i? Can i?

*breathe*.

No i'm not saying it's my fault entirely. I regret the mean things i did. But i still hold it against you for giving me that attitude of urs since orientation. I guess it's just ur style, too bad you didn't understand my style.

Anyway i really dunno wad to do now. Should the situation be left like this? I tried to talk, i'm sorry, and i know things will never be the same again. I did my part, the rest is up to you.

If it makes you happy, then... juz leave it as it is. After all, i did tell you to hate me.

... ...

But i really dun want things to be this way. Look, i just see you as a friend now. Nothing more. I swear. At times i see u need help, i really feel like helping you ( as a friend lah ), but i think u'll juz kill me or something lol~

=\

I find Sara Yang very inspiring... she once told me, go create your own opportunities. She's fully supporting herself with the MDA Media Education Scheme to pay her tution fees, works to support herself... she's not getting any support from her family. I really envy and look up to independent people like her. It's damn tiring lorh.

Hence, i feel very useless heh.

i'm already very frustrated at my own life, and my dad keeps asking me to read the papers, to know more about the world, for knowledge and wads going on. I know the world affects me, but alot of stuff in the papers is thrash, issues in the finance sector, like funding for filmmakers, loans etc... they're only here for the money.

They call up the papers cause they want to inform society what THEY are doing, and since it's in the MONEY papers, i bet it's an advertising plan to call investors. It doesn't concern ME. I'm just a poor designer trying to make ends meet.

I'm just very sad to admit that this is life, it's about money. I dun need to read about all these crap lah... Mark Ong from SBTG, Royston Tan, the Phunk Studio foursome... they all did it on their own hardwork, looked for their financial support, or just worked odd jobs to support their own creativity. Only after they became big names then blardy business men came looking for them, wanting a share of the profits of their branding.

In the first place, these Singapore designers were not out to reap profit. They were living for their passion.

I will NOT approach my creative work from the point of view of a businessman, especially not at this point of time. I am still in the learning stage, i know my own inadequecies and i hate myself for being so weak in my art. If i always think of profit... my work will never improve.

I know my dad means well, i also know it will be useful for me... but i have just too much to think about and too much to do in my creative life, and i dun want to bother about the world for now.

Sorry Pa, for being such a useless son. No matter wad happens, i promise i'll repay you everything i owe you.

I still hate you for bringing me into this world. But i love you so much for loving me so much.

But i realised at one point in my life... even my parents can disappoint me. I thought i could depend on you all my life, you couldn't save me when i needed you the most. I had to save myself.

I hate this world. I hate myself. I'm only living for the people who love me. I'm not living for myself. I have no purpose in life at all. Yes i'm weak. So? None of ur business. You're not gonna be the reason for my living are you?

I'm still finding a positive reason to live. I dun think God will ever let me.

I'm so weak i can't wait to die. Maybe i shuld have something to look forward to in life... hope? I hope to change Singapore's creative industry in my lifetime. I know i can't do it alone. But who's willing to do anything for Singapore? Everyone wants to get out of here. Still, it's our home u know. We shuld change it for the better. For future generations of designers.

Everyone's just living for themselves. I wish i could. But my heart tells me... help others, change the world to a better place. I need someone to support me, i'm very tired sigh~

Brain fugged by sound design... panning, automation, creating punch sounds from scratch ( coz there's no punch sound in the sound library ), light punch/heavy punch/chop/light kick/heavy kick/slow motion attack/cloth swoosh/counter attack/defense/punched on the body/punched on the face/chopped on the face/kicked on the body/kicked on the face/... ...

I seriously wanna go shopping after all this madness ends. Must... perservere, never give up till it's over n push push push! Erst!!!

Back to work *grumbles*.

All the best to the fly-by-night participants from ADM! Today's the submission date, can't wait to see what you people managed to churn up =D

Yay Elgin won the best film haha~

I was quite surprised, but i also liked his film the best because it was something i could relate to, the problems of growing up in society. I think almost everyone can relate to this.

Even though his shots weren't all that exciting and beautiful, but his narration and content... was very meaningful. And more importantly, his show gave people a sense of hope. Hope is very important in this cruel world we live in. It's wad gives us strength to go on living.

Scott and me and i believe everyone else will agree, there is no best film. Everyone's show was excellent in some way or another... there's really no way to judge haha~

I'm already very contented that some people came up to me and told me they liked my show, and wanted to see it again haha~ I'm very touched really...*sob sob*.

As much as a sad person i am, i dun want to bring more sadness or misery to this world. I let myself fall into the deepest darkness of grieve, so i can understand how to pull myself up into the light of bliss, to overcome sadness.

And that's wad i believe i should do as a filmmaker and musician... bring happiness, love and hope into this fugged up world.

As i watched everyone's films, i also realised what their films had that mine lacked, and vice-versa. It was truly truly a good learning experience, and i am proud to have this bunch of really talented, serious and hardworking people as my classmates.

Absorb all ur skills muahahah... my xi xing da fa level 6 liao, once i reach lvl 10 i can absorb anything by just looking >=D

Actually i really really want to share with everyone also, i'm not being selfish or anything, just that i'm a very very slow worker because i take a very long time to conceptualise and try to think of the best solution to work around problems. I'm slow bah, paiseh horh.

I am really amazed at people like Suresh and Wenshing and Scotty and Marky, coz they have so much experience in their life, they can come up with EXCELLENT ideas within a few seconds, that's what i aim to achieve too... i m SO PROUD to have them as my SENSEIs... domo arigato gozaimasu professors~