{ Rabbit Theatre }™ 兔子劇場

2006-12-02T19:08:00.000-08:00

Just for you. I have one last thing to say, because i cannot bear to see u remain unhappy for the rest of your life.

I do not know you as well as ur closer friends, nor do you open up to me as you do to them.

But, i hope... that they, being ur closer friends, have the responsibility to give you advice on why you are facing so many problems in your life. Even if it means pointing out ur mistakes and such.

I'm not saying i know everything going on in your life, i know nuts. But somehow i feel you run away from problems, and your solution to other people's emotional problems is to get them distracted by fun stuff. This works, but not for all problems.

Once again i have to say all these are my assumptions, because i know nuts about u.

But i sincerely hope, that you have friends in your life who take care of you, NOT just physically... but emotionally as well.

After all, problems of the heart will affect your entire well-being as well. A happier person is most likely a healthier person. Maybe you've only been dealing with symptoms, and not got to the root of your health and life problems yet.

2006-12-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

Shifted once more. Blogger is getting problematic siah. Enuff of wordy blogs, time to be more creatively visual~

And hopefully... time to let go of the past. ja~

2006-12-02T02:10:00.000-08:00

I have come up with a pledge for music community haha... does it sound lame?

"We, musicians of ADM Music Community, pledge to express ourselves honestly and sincerely through our music and our words, to our audiences and to each other. Personal differences aside, we are brothers and sisters bonded by joy and melancholy. We stand equal in each other's eyes, and above all we believe in love~~~ "

I know some of us promote death and destruction, some promote love... but i believe all of u believe in love right? right right right? =D

Seriously, i was expecting us to have some sorta internal political rivarly. Hans you know i dun favour Death Metal. And sometimes i feel like i'm doing everything and you guys are just busy with ur own work. And you guys have to tolerate with my 'one-man-show' problem. And Faizal's always missing..., then he re-appears to help out lots. Now we have 2 more additional female members in the main team, Ying Tong and Iffah, drummer and guitarist respectively. They're pretty kewl girls haha~

I'm quite happy at the relationship we are maintaining lah. Proud of you people.

Just that... i dun think i'll be able to dedicate much already. I'll be going to Japan next summer for maybe a month or longer... to expose myself to the arts & design culture over there... hopefully i can crash Musashino or Tama Art University, check out their classes. Got lotsa preparation to do before i go there. Save up LOTSA money, brush up my Japanese... TAIHEN DESU NEEE~!!!

Nihon-go o choto amari wakarimasen kara, mai nichi benkyoshimasu. Soshite, okane imasen kara... kono fuyu-yasumi de hatarakimasu. Demo... Zan nen dakedo... arubaito ga imasen deshita! Souuuu~~!!!

2006-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

I know ignorance is bliss. But when somethings start to affect your life, you can no longer remain ignorant.

And somehow, i still have to attempt to strike a balance. Because being extremist is not very healthy.

2006-12-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

OH WOW. An ATTEMPT to get me pissed off? Bravoooo joe... bravo. Should i call you Johnny? Hu! Hu! Haah! Cause you really make me laugh. At the expense of your stupidity lol~

Look. The word 'loser' doesn't bother me one bit. It bothers YOU. I'm not the loser around here, obviously. You're the kid who always needs daddy's or mummy's help when you're in trouble.

You are just too naive. You think that everyone in this world is good? Man was born good yea i agree on that. But what makes you think, that by being good urself, you can influence others to follow ur example? Oh purleaseee. Most people only live for themselves. Well if you want saintly people, you might as well hang out with Christians all the time.

I too... wish the world was a better place. So that i wulden have to start farking other people up. Someone termed me as 'malicious', but bothered to check if i really was. I appreciate your concern, and your trust in me. I am not malicious, no way.

Most of us were brought up to believe good is good, and bad is bad. The media portrays it as such. Sometimes, bad becomes good, or good becomes bad, and fullstop. Only 1 phase of change.

I am speaking from my own experience, that in reality, there are subsets of layers and layers of emotions. No one is truly good. No one is truly bad. But how we were brought up, and the power of the media, locks our minds to percieve the standards of what makes good and bad.

Anyway shuddup lah Mr joebasara. No one wants to listen to your philosophical shit.

2006-12-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

i AM taking responsibility. That's why i'm facing up to you now. No more hiding you away. i need to understand you, to understand myself.

Worst come to worst, i'll get myself hooked on Prozac. That'll make you sleeping beauty yea? awwww~~~

What's with you and the word loser? Why does that word bother you so much?

2006-12-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hey. Stop being a kid. Grow up! When will you EVER take responsibility for your OWN actions?

Stop seeing me as a different entity. You are NOT having split personality. U think this is television or wad? Or Jekyll and Hyde?

I AM YOU. Please go learn to be more responsible for your own actions, lol~

Loser. Neni neni boo boo~

OooOo... this kinda reminds me of The Mask. I guess that makes me someone you WISH you could be huh? Your online persona?

2006-12-01T18:24:00.000-08:00

You are always so blunt with words aren't you. Hurting me, hurting the people around me.

2006-12-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

Eh this is stupid. Why should i be pressurised by people who hardly know me? By people who decide to judge me negatively without bothering to understand me deeper. These are the people who will NOT be there for you when you need them the most, and you have seen it for yourself.

Look, you've already tried to be part of them, but time and time again they ostracised you. You were stunned weren't you? This is the first time this is ever happening to you right?

I admit though, somethings you HAVE to change, because it only shows how loserish you are. But just be yourself, even if that means being a LOSER ahahahah~~~ You couldn't even walk away when that Chinese guy asked you for money, knowing he WAS a conman.

"When people go to the extremes to do such things, i believe they really need the money" That's your logic? Dear basara-_-, you're either a saint, or a fuggin retard.

Trust me. People see you as a retard. And a weirdo who talks to himself ROFL~

2006-12-01T17:52:00.000-08:00

And yet... i feel so scared. Is this really me? Is this really how i want people to see me?

2006-12-01T02:51:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't have tried to come into your lives. The lives of normal people. Look at all of you... laughing, smiling, playing with each other. sigh. All of you think the same way and affect each other's mentality in a way. That's why ure all friends. The majority. The norm. The usual. You all need each other.

That is something i can never accept, because of the way i grew up. I know i really don't belong with any of you. Neither are any of you able to accept who i am.

But it feels so good to be able to express myself honestly, that's not something many people want to do. Who cares how people see you? It's ur life.

2006-12-01T00:05:00.001-08:00

The flashbacks are getting worst. I'm looking at my past in a totally different way now, with negativity that didn't even occur to me back then.

What's happening in my life now, is changing how i see my past, and subsequently affecting my view on my present, and my future. I'm seriously losing myself to hatred, despising the superficiality of the human race, despising the selfishness of mankind, despising the incorrigibility of the ignorant, and i pity the weak, the unheard, the unsung, the voiceless, the ignored, the abandoned, the meek.

I weep for this world, for the self-sacrificing, for the honourable, for the compassionate, for the responsible, for those who live for others.

For those who live for themselves... there is no wrong to that, until you hurt others.

Did any of you, as children, gang up to make fun and tease some poor kid in your school for your own entertainment?

My middle finger rises high and mighty at you. I was one of those poor kids.

My heart hardened by 10 years of consecutive emotional torment, harassed by the english speaking well to do kids, ignored by the chinese speaking neighbourhood kids, i grew to hate big popular cliques. I embraced lonliness, and only found the warmth of love at home.

Even when i minded my own business, others would come to me to look for trouble. I was happy being alone, but they had to come to disrupt my life and affect my studies.

And slowly, you grew in me. You were very patient with them, but you were feeding on my anger, storing up so much hate, until the needle broke the donkey's back, and you delivered judgement with such fury, godspeed. I held you back because you were blinded by wrath, and you were unsatisfied.

You wanted to vent everything, but you don't realise that you would have given more than they deserved. I know it's painful, but we musn't become animals like them. You must believe in love. You must have faith in the Lord. We have no right to throw judgement upon mankind, we are only human too. Let God be the judge of all.

We are not entirely alone, no matter what those few people tell us. Don't let the words of the ignorant and conceited fool you. They talk behind your back and pretend to be your friend, they think their clique equals to everyone in your life, you know better than that. You know who you are, you know who your true friends are. They call you disillusional. Let them say what they want. We have no need to prove anything to them, but only to ourselves.

Let them fight amongst themselves. We'll learn from their good points, but we are not challenging them. We are challenging ourselves.

I will take responsibility for you, even though i belong to the light and you belong to the darkness, i believe we can live in perfect harmony =) Remember, there are people in this world who love us for who we are.

2006-11-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

Hmmz... 18K gold melts at 1675 degrees Farenheit. 14k gold melts at 1550 degrees Farenheit.

Yea even gold can melt. But so what? No one cares about these things that do not concern them anyway. Well except me maybe heh.

2006-11-30T05:51:00.000-08:00

So... after doing the short film, we decided to really form a band hahaha~

Genre? Undefined i guess... Charles has alot of lame 'Singapura Indie' style songs, i've got emo and weird music.

Cvy learns how to play damn fast leh... i'm glad she's really into music and our nonsensical behaviour.

Paul... really busy with his work. In fact all of them are. Well, we shall take it easy and just have fun.

That's what a band is all about right? Fun.

2006-11-29T21:28:00.000-08:00

MY FILM SUX!!! I realise i created a film with terms only i could understand, other people without the sufficient knowledge wuld fail to catch the drift. That's my biggest mistake for this film. I got carried away.

2006-11-29T03:30:00.000-08:00

When no one help, you complain why are people like that. When people help but never meet your expectation, you blame them. And you dun even know they have their own problems. And you dun even bother to CHECK FIRST or UNDERSTAND them.

*shakes head*... very sad world for the meek. When i see people being treated like that... all i can do NOW is grit my teeth and hold my anger, and pray that God will do something about this injustice.

2006-11-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

Teacher: "It is said... that every human being, has a light and dark side. Confucius said Man was born good, but corrupted by the world. Normally, one side is more dominant than the other."

Student basara-_-: "What happens if both sides become equal?"

Trailer Narration: This Spring... comes a psychodramatic action thriller unlike any other. A seemingly ordinary guy, leading an ordinary life, who quietly beared the burdens of life, is waging a war within himself, against... himself. A battle which involves Heaven & Hell, and a struggle to deal with the people in his life.

evil basara-_-: " You need me in this world... I have protected you from all those who hurt you. You cannot live without me."

good basara-_-: " You have ruined my life! You made me do things i wish i didn't! Will you just go away???"

evil basara-_-: " Go away? Hahahaha... i can't. Because i am YOU."

Coming to Theaters... God knows when.

2006-11-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

我真的很傻。 I fall in love with people so deep even before anything has even started. And i get myself into situations so drama i think my life could be a TV show, more like a comedy, cause i'm the fool heh.

I really dunno what am i supposed to do. And if i knew what to do, should i even do it or just leave my mess alone? The big mess i got myself into. Someone should just tell me.

And what about next time? Am i gonna live forever like this? Should i change? Must i? Can i?

*breathe*.

No i'm not saying it's my fault entirely. I regret the mean things i did. But i still hold it against you for giving me that attitude of urs since orientation. I guess it's just ur style, too bad you didn't understand my style.

Anyway i really dunno wad to do now. Should the situation be left like this? I tried to talk, i'm sorry, and i know things will never be the same again. I did my part, the rest is up to you.

If it makes you happy, then... juz leave it as it is. After all, i did tell you to hate me.

... ...

But i really dun want things to be this way. Look, i just see you as a friend now. Nothing more. I swear. At times i see u need help, i really feel like helping you ( as a friend lah ), but i think u'll juz kill me or something lol~

=\

2006-11-28T03:20:00.000-08:00

I find Sara Yang very inspiring... she once told me, go create your own opportunities. She's fully supporting herself with the MDA Media Education Scheme to pay her tution fees, works to support herself... she's not getting any support from her family. I really envy and look up to independent people like her. It's damn tiring lorh.

Hence, i feel very useless heh.

2006-11-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

i'm already very frustrated at my own life, and my dad keeps asking me to read the papers, to know more about the world, for knowledge and wads going on. I know the world affects me, but alot of stuff in the papers is thrash, issues in the finance sector, like funding for filmmakers, loans etc... they're only here for the money.

They call up the papers cause they want to inform society what THEY are doing, and since it's in the MONEY papers, i bet it's an advertising plan to call investors. It doesn't concern ME. I'm just a poor designer trying to make ends meet.

I'm just very sad to admit that this is life, it's about money. I dun need to read about all these crap lah... Mark Ong from SBTG, Royston Tan, the Phunk Studio foursome... they all did it on their own hardwork, looked for their financial support, or just worked odd jobs to support their own creativity. Only after they became big names then blardy business men came looking for them, wanting a share of the profits of their branding.

In the first place, these Singapore designers were not out to reap profit. They were living for their passion.

I will NOT approach my creative work from the point of view of a businessman, especially not at this point of time. I am still in the learning stage, i know my own inadequecies and i hate myself for being so weak in my art. If i always think of profit... my work will never improve.

I know my dad means well, i also know it will be useful for me... but i have just too much to think about and too much to do in my creative life, and i dun want to bother about the world for now.

Sorry Pa, for being such a useless son. No matter wad happens, i promise i'll repay you everything i owe you.

I still hate you for bringing me into this world. But i love you so much for loving me so much.

But i realised at one point in my life... even my parents can disappoint me. I thought i could depend on you all my life, you couldn't save me when i needed you the most. I had to save myself.

I hate this world. I hate myself. I'm only living for the people who love me. I'm not living for myself. I have no purpose in life at all. Yes i'm weak. So? None of ur business. You're not gonna be the reason for my living are you?

I'm still finding a positive reason to live. I dun think God will ever let me.

I'm so weak i can't wait to die. Maybe i shuld have something to look forward to in life... hope? I hope to change Singapore's creative industry in my lifetime. I know i can't do it alone. But who's willing to do anything for Singapore? Everyone wants to get out of here. Still, it's our home u know. We shuld change it for the better. For future generations of designers.

Everyone's just living for themselves. I wish i could. But my heart tells me... help others, change the world to a better place. I need someone to support me, i'm very tired sigh~

2006-11-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

Brain fugged by sound design... panning, automation, creating punch sounds from scratch ( coz there's no punch sound in the sound library ), light punch/heavy punch/chop/light kick/heavy kick/slow motion attack/cloth swoosh/counter attack/defense/punched on the body/punched on the face/chopped on the face/kicked on the body/kicked on the face/... ...

I seriously wanna go shopping after all this madness ends. Must... perservere, never give up till it's over n push push push! Erst!!!

Back to work *grumbles*.

2006-11-26T02:12:00.000-08:00

All the best to the fly-by-night participants from ADM! Today's the submission date, can't wait to see what you people managed to churn up =D

2006-11-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

Yay Elgin won the best film haha~

I was quite surprised, but i also liked his film the best because it was something i could relate to, the problems of growing up in society. I think almost everyone can relate to this.

Even though his shots weren't all that exciting and beautiful, but his narration and content... was very meaningful. And more importantly, his show gave people a sense of hope. Hope is very important in this cruel world we live in. It's wad gives us strength to go on living.

Scott and me and i believe everyone else will agree, there is no best film. Everyone's show was excellent in some way or another... there's really no way to judge haha~

I'm already very contented that some people came up to me and told me they liked my show, and wanted to see it again haha~ I'm very touched really...*sob sob*.

As much as a sad person i am, i dun want to bring more sadness or misery to this world. I let myself fall into the deepest darkness of grieve, so i can understand how to pull myself up into the light of bliss, to overcome sadness.

And that's wad i believe i should do as a filmmaker and musician... bring happiness, love and hope into this fugged up world.

As i watched everyone's films, i also realised what their films had that mine lacked, and vice-versa. It was truly truly a good learning experience, and i am proud to have this bunch of really talented, serious and hardworking people as my classmates.

Absorb all ur skills muahahah... my xi xing da fa level 6 liao, once i reach lvl 10 i can absorb anything by just looking >=D

Actually i really really want to share with everyone also, i'm not being selfish or anything, just that i'm a very very slow worker because i take a very long time to conceptualise and try to think of the best solution to work around problems. I'm slow bah, paiseh horh.

I am really amazed at people like Suresh and Wenshing and Scotty and Marky, coz they have so much experience in their life, they can come up with EXCELLENT ideas within a few seconds, that's what i aim to achieve too... i m SO PROUD to have them as my SENSEIs... domo arigato gozaimasu professors~

2006-11-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

I hope that when we return after the holidays, all this nonsense will have stopped. It is no doubt disrupting our school life, I'm sure u'll agree with me?

I dun want anyone to feel awkward because of me, and i most definitely dun want to make things worst.

I dun like it when i get overly emotional, and this is not the first time it has given me trouble, but there's nothing i can do about it, i have tried, i thought i had it under control this time, but it snuck up to me when i least expected, towards a period when i felt i was getting over you already.

In a religious context, i guess i fell unexpectedly into the devil's ambush... i haven't been praying or spending time with God recently.

I wanna say sorry for the hurt that i have caused due to my own hurt. However, i still think ur method sux. Because...

If you have watched 'National Treasure' starring Nicolas Cage, he mentioned a sentence i think somewhere in the US Declaration of Independence, which states something like... He who has knowledge of... okok i'll put it in simple words... If you know something is wrong, and it is within your power to do something about it, it hence becomes ur responsibility to do something about it.

For that reason and for the guilt that i have carried for hurting actually 2 close friends in my life, i hold this belief that i have to be there for someone who is hurt by me even unintentionally, for it becomes my responsibilty.

But i agree i am being over-sensitive. Yea... i dun think anyone would like weird me anyway haha~

I'm sorry i tried to bother with ur life, i know i have no right, and i know i have no place in ur heart after all.

The one who should have come to talk to me didn't, and instead external parties came to tell me off. That's really not the way it shuld be done. I know u didn't ask them to talk to me, they came on their own accord coz they wanted to defend you.

You really are so extremely extremely blessed to have so many people around you who care.

2006-11-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

good basara-_-: you should be careful of what u say on our blog.

evil basara-_-: huh?

good basara-_-: It's better to have friends than to make enemies mah... .

evil basara-_-: u think i care? i WANT to make them see their faults!

good basara-_-: look, i m sure they know their own faults, u have no right also.
who do u think u r?

evil basara-_-: if i dun do it, who dares? everyone's a wussie, all dun dare.
everyone wants to live in their peaceful lil world.

good basara-_-: cmon, u'll need your friend's help one day, no man is an island.

evil basara-_-: Their help? Oh purlease. Look, if they choose to ignore me...
it's their loss. Not mine at all.

good basara-_-: you better not let them hear that. tsk. Why must you insist on
making yourself so irksome?

evil basara-_-: Why should you be pressurised by how people see you? Just be urself!
They are so opinionated and full of themselves!

good basara-_-: Aren't you the same?

evil basara-_-: Yea, so if they can hurt me, i have every right to hurt them back.

good basara-_-: This kind of fighting will never end.

evil basara-_-: Cause they want things to end THEIR WAY, it's always about THEM.

good basara-_-: Look... just leave them alone if you dun like them. Peace ok?

evil basara-_-: PEACE? MY SOUL WILL NOT REST TILL THEY GET RETRIBUTION!

good basara-_-: HEY! NO ONE DESERVES RETRIBUTION, wads wrong wif u???

evil basara-_-: I am damn FRUSTRATED with them. RARGHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!

good basara-_-: Anger makes people do alot of stupid things man! Calm down... calm.

evil basara-_-: THEY DESERVE IT FOR BRINGING PAIN INTO MY LIFE!

good basara-_-: YOU brought PAIN into ur own life by assuming too many things.

evil basara-_-: SO??? I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!

good basara-_-: good things will come to those who wait, gotta be patient man...

sad basara-_- : how long do i wait? sigh... nothing good will ever come.
this is my fate, my destiny, my grief intertwined life, seasons will
follow, and aeons will dance by me, alas i m forever waiting.
My only sweet release lies in the slender cold arms of Death.

good basara-_-: er... where did u come from?

sad basara-_- : from the deepest darkest abyss of melancholy, hidden deep within
the reccesses of our mind.

evil basara-_-: RARGGGHHHHHHH~!!!

good basara-_-: Wo De Tian Ah... May God save us. haiz.

evil basara-_-: GOD wun help us! We were born into this world as EVIL INCARNATE~
GOD Can't help us!

sad basara-_- : 你要我說多難堪我根本不想分開為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過~~

good basara-_-: ... ...

2006-11-20T09:02:00.000-08:00

I can't imagine ( and i really dunno ) how much hurt i have caused you. Through my frustration, i said alot of mean things about you, mixing up personal feelings with work often... that's why i always quarreled with you over work matters.

I knew it's impossible between us, the confession ended it all.

I know u didn't want to create a misunderstanding by showing me concern, for fear i would assume u have feelings for me.

But for me, because u didn't even ask a simple " r u ok? " or something... i felt that u didn't even bother about me as a friend.

And do you know how painful it is when someone u care so much about, thinks 'NOTHING' of you. That is pain beyond death, grieve beyond console, anger beyond sensibility, hurt unexpressed by words.

I am not hurt because u rejected me. I am hurt because you were 'unconcerned' about me even as a friend. And exscuse me, i dun ASSUME everyone likes me like a narcisstic freak, but i am precautious, because i am living with the guilt of hurting someone who was very close to me since i was 16 years old, and i swore never to hurt anyone else again, and i rather be made a fool than hurt anyone.

I'll make this clear. I don't want to be with you. We are too different. I dunno wheredahell you came from, but i know wheredahell i came from. I loved you before, dearly. But not anymore, ok?

So ideally, everything is supposed to be ok after this, and i am supposed to get on with my life. The truth is, there are times when i will feel the pain again, but it doesn't concern you at all.

I have concluded... u sux in relationships heh heh. I sux too =)

2006-11-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

Random thought. Will i ever get a chance to study in my favourite art universities in Tokyo? I hope i can do my Master's at either Musashino or Tama... Major in Imaging Arts ( moving images ). I plan to crash the universities next year when i visit Tokyo in July.

Now... busy building portfolio. busy busy busy~

As much hope as i have for ADM to be an excellent art school, realistically i dun think it will be possible during my time, even worst, maybe never at all heh.

I'm meeting up with ______ to discuss with him issues regarding the school's syllabus, and to hear from his point of view how Isaac is running ADM. Then maybe i'll meet up with Isaac too, if possible. As students we only see things from our point of view, we dunno wads going on behind the curtains. That's why i would like to find out. Haiz. My dear ADM. The future of so many of my friends are in ur hands.

If we can't beat the system, we'll try to work around the system.

ADM Student Club will do it their way, ADM Rebel Faction ( sorry arh muz give a dumb name hahaha ) will do it our way. Two different approaches, same goal. To make ADM an ART SCHOOL not a FREAKIN HOSPITAL RARGHHH~~~

( clean building with alot of dying people = hospital mah lol )

Isaac, i really want to know your problems, and what are u thinking. All of us are against NTU's policy, and Scott has revealed something which is best left unsaid about NTU... . Nan Da Nan Da, i'm really disappointed at the integrity of NTU's leaders. Cheena people. They want face, want pride, and are even willing to achieve their goals through unhonourable means. I'm ashamed at my own race sometimes... . Really 'Xiao Ren' ( Small people ) lorh.

2006-10-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

Quietly observing everyone in my life, praying for those who need help, and helping whenever i can. Humans r so interesting, and our lives are so unique and beautiful.

But there r also those who choose to live in ignorance and lust, pursuing useless desires... which is what i call a boring lifestyle. Coz i've been there n done that hah. It juz feels so empty.

I feel responsible for everyone i know, especially those crawling out from painful experiences.

Some of them can't crawl out because they dun want to learn from their mistakes.

Others crawl out, forgot about the pain they experienced, and returned to their life of ignorance and desires ... which will cause them pain again in time to come.

Only a few learn from their mistakes, and walk on the path of enlightenment. They will fall again in life, everyone falls, it's inevitable. But these people will be able to pick themselves up.

And it brings me a smile to know about these few people.

Who do i think i am? I am nobody really, juz a friend who is concerned.
I just do the best i can to help those who want to be helped. It is my responsibility. Because i believe love will save this world.

i also depend on others to help me, for i am only human.

2006-10-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

I'm like the biggest baka in the world. I'm probably the only GUY who relates himself to those silly idealistic beautiful love stories. I know real life is so different, so cold, so practical, so unromantic. I dun like it. I know how love in real life is... but i really dun care.

I still believe in silly love stories, because i choose to.

Asuka recommended me to watch Honey & Clover, and i m glad she did. I fell for the show immediately, the beautiful blend of humour and touching romance. I told her i could relate myself to one of the characters. She said "Takemoto". Yea she was right. She really knows me inside out.

Thanks Asuka, my only friend in the whole world who understands and accepts who i really am, who was with me when i was going through life and changing in the past, and who still is my dearest friend up to this day.

2006-09-29T11:15:00.001-07:00

The holy spirit has been prompting me recently i guess, to come to another understanding about the bad things we face in life. I would like to share my faith with those who want to listen...

My mum was talking about her friend's son, who performed really badly in his GCE O Levels. His mother had connections with people in high places, and she was rich n donated alot of money too to fund certain organisations.

My family isn't as rich, but we have more than enough for daily needs and wants, and we're happy with what we have. One of my greatest blessings in life is to be born in such a wonderful family.

Anyway, i told my mum "We do know someone in high places too. We know God, in the highest place~ ". And God has taken care of my education ( and my life ) so carefully, and He did it for free.

Back when i was in JC, it was a horrible period for me and i prayed to die, because i really couldn't take it anymore. I quarreled with my parents daily because i insisted to go to Temasek Poly to study Visual Communication. They wanted me to finish my JC. They had high expectations of me. Even my friends were surprised that i went to Poly, because i was a high flyer in school.

That time, compared to JC students, Poly students were looked down upon. 1998. ( however this was about to change soon in time to come, when poly students were more sought after by employers than JC students).

I will always remember what that JC vice-principal said to me. " Are you aware that you will have a higher chance of getting into university from JC than from poly? "

"Yes," i replied.

I suffered 1 year in JC, repeated 1 year in poly, served the army ... and just in time to be the pioneer batch of students in ADM. Wow. I got in university. Without A levels.

A JC friend of mine who remained in JC took the A levels several times but failed all the way, and he ended up studying in a private institution. I think i would be like him if i remained in JC.

In poly, i was a loser and immatured. i didn't even go Orchard on my own before, and i kept getting into losing arguments with my seniors. I was also not very capable in managing my time and schedule, and very disorganised and badly informed about the world. I was blur. Overly dependent on others.

My first love depression came during my repeated year 2. The girl who shattered my heart so badly, was a girl who spent most of her time on the streets, on design, bearbricks, turntables, electronic music, and online gaming. A typical design culture girl. She helped to act in my first MTV i made in poly, and she was so helpful and friendly that i fell in love with her.

I met her during my first jrock gig in poly, a friend of my bassist. We became very good friends, but her heart was taken by someone else. Someone who knew how to take care of her. I couldn't be compared to him. He was older, and more experienced in relationships. But he was a selfish bastard. He already had a gf, yet he was having a relationship with her. He was a proud wolf.

Wolfus. I hope u will see my blog one day n read this. Years ago u told me that i didn't understand what you had went through in life. you said u had went through many painful relationships, and that was ur exscuse for two-timing Meiling?

It's ur fault for rushing into relationships out of lonliness. It's not an exscuse to hurt others. Dun make urself sound so honourable.

Today, i have been through a few painful love depressions myself. But i'm glad to tell you with a smile...

I will never be a jerk like you.

Thanks to meeting Meiling, i grew up from my immatured and loserish ways. I told myself, i had to be the best boyfriend to whoever would accept my love one day. I had to be able to take care of the one true love in my life.

We all make mistakes and experience pain in our lives. But we should all learn from our mistakes, and let such experiences strengthen our character and wisdom.

As God's children, He will allow troubles into our life, because He loves us! We are refined like gold and made pure in trials of fire, and strenghtened in character.

Those who fail to see the goodness and purpose of suffering, who fall away forever, are doomed.

Those who fall, but stand up again, will be able to pick themselves up when they fall again.

I believe that the pain i went through in life had a purpose, and even up till today, my life is still in pain, but i'm constantly learning to change myself for the better, to be as perfect as God wants me to be. It isn't easy, and at times i do break down in tears ... but i always stand up again, because the Lord has strengthened my faith, by giving me understanding.

I do not know what awaits me, i do not know when i will find happiness in life. But one thing i am sure, my lalaland will come!

God will not turn away from those who seek Him, and He will always be there for those who turn to Him for help. It is His promise.

Some people think attending church makes you a Christian. Some people think believing in God's existence is enough. Some people think that they are saved by doing God's work.

Being a true Christian is much deeper than that. You really have to let God come into your daily life.

The world is my church! i say this because i found God in my life, in my world ... instead of within a church building. My fellowship is also with friends from other churches, who share their faith with me.

Being a child of God is not a bed of roses. God will help you, but it may not be as u expected. Most of the time, He will give u more than u asked for. Even pain is a blessing, that you will appreciate later on in life.

I have made many mistakes in life, but i have not regretted. because if i didn't do those wrong things, i would not have learned how to deal with life's problems =)

Remember, God allows pain into our lives because He wants to let us learn what we need to know to deal with our life. The pain everyone experiences is different, because our lives are all different, and our unique pain will teach us how to handle our unique life.

God is teaching us to be better humans because He loves us. Will you let Him teach you?

2006-09-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

i think i'm overly helpful to the extent i agree to help people too soon. But then again i never blame people for backing out last minute if they agreed to help me, because no one can be sure of what is to come.

i really need to rush my work. i'm sorry if i have disappointed anyone whom i agreed to help.

i sincerely want to help. But i'm already neglecting my work. please put urself in my shoes too.

i wonder has anyone ever put themselves in my shoes... .

i feel i've gone beyond my capability at times to be there for my friends and helping those who need help. I have gone beyond my own limits before, and i hurt myself in the process. But if i can contribute to get things done, it's all worth it!

i really hope no one blames me for not helping, i'm not doing anything for myself. my life is worthless. i m nothing. the only reason why i m living is for my dear parents whom i love so much. i need to be able to support them in time to come.

They are the most important people in my life, and i love them the most in my life, even if they are also the most irritating people in my life haha~

Wenshing told me about her musician friend who is a manager to other musicians... her friend is always taking care of the other musicians under her management. But her friend also wishes that someone could take care of her as a musician.

i do long for someone to be there for me too in my life.

2006-09-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

i'm neglecting all my other work just to focus on my location filming which will be on 7th oct sat ... which also happens to be the day one of my good friends from sec school Crissie gets married! Haiz, i'll try to rush to her wedding dinner after the shoot! I hope i can get to see my other sec school friends as well ... it's been such a long time.

As for preparation for the shoot ... i'm still waiting for my lead actress cvy to reply me, i really really hope she will agree on acting! And i need to find one more guy to act as a quiet character.
Then i need to prepare the soundtrack too. Then i need to finalise the shots. Then i need to prepare the script and dialogue. Then i need to prepare food & beverages. Then i ... then i ... acks.

And i still have a 3D animated short scene to do, plus the TIME CONSUMING 2D handdrawn animation, plus the BORING video editing to do.

My main priority is my short film. I'm abit worried about the logistic issues ... coz my cast n crew is BIG. And fate seems to be letting me meet all my 'old TP kah kees' to get them to be involved in my film, which is GOOD coz they all have experience. See how it goes siah.

I want to do my best in my first professional film ever! Even though i know i sux terribly. I have much to learn from everyone.

2006-09-24T02:10:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord! I am enlightened~

Our Father in Heaven will always let Himself be found by those who seek Him.

Have faith, for even the bad things happening in your life has a reason for happening.

The bad things will inevitably lead to the BEST things. Have faith! It is part of His Divine Plan!

If you feel tired, or if the world is unfair to you, cry out to the Lord!

You do not realise, but He is already there helping you even before you cried out for help~

Such is the Lord our God who works in MYSTERIOUS ways. Our Lord is full of LOVE.

And we can enjoy this loving relationship with our Father, because of the Son!

Because of the sacrifice of the Holy Lamb!

It is only through the Son that we can go to the Father.

Even though i say all these, many times i am still affected by the pain of life.

I am only Human. But i do my best to keep my faith~

I will NEVER turn away from the Lord!

The Lord knows of my pain, but sometimes i do forget.

I even think the Lord has turned away from me.

But i will PRAY and seek Him more than ever. I will NEVER turn away from Him.

To lose the most loving God such as Him, my life would be meaningless.

And i will let others know of the Lord's love for THEM.

So that they will find love, find strength in HIS LOVE for them.

So that they can overcome the pain of life, overcome the Evil One's flaming arrows!

So that God can help THEM in THEIR lives!

God wants to help all His children because He loves us all...

Will you let the Father love you so?

Dear child... cry no more. He will wipe away your tears of sorrow.

And fill you with the spirit of LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS and SELF-CONTROL. ( Galatians 5:22-23 )

And you too will shine with the glory of being a child of God.

May God Bless everyone i know~

Peace be with you. Amen~

2006-09-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

I'm forcing my consciousness to realign with reality again. Letting go of beautful memories, one by one. Visual memories. Audio memories. Rewind. Erase the tape. Start recording new footage.
Forget. Forget. Forget.

It's beginning to feel like a dream that i woke up from. Dreams are beautiful. But they are not real. They will never come true. I was just dreaming.

I'll move on in life. Without you. And when i look back, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

It's about me now. Enough about you. I need to take care of myself. Coz no one's gonna take care of me. Everyone's taking care of you.

It hurts because i have done so much for you. Yet i guess i am really worth nothing to you.

But it's not your fault. No one is to blame when these things happen. It's just natural.

I did my part. And i'm proud of myself. I guess i met you at the wrong time of your life. Fate.

I die again for the third time. When i am reborn. We will meet again for the first time. You will be just a friend. And nothing more.

2006-09-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's really not easy for me to deal with this. Sometimes i feel fine, othertimes i just dun feel like doing anything. I'm already trying my best to restrain it, but it's very very hard. But i have to do it. People around me laughing and having fun makes it worst.

That's why i dun want to hang out with anyone. It's painful.

I need to be alone. Yet i dun want to be alone.

God didn't help me in my previous experiences. I was left to die. And i did. I am who i am today after 2 rebirths. I dun expect Him to help me now. But i pray so hard He will. This time, i'm even too tired to die already. I'm just too tired. I can never breathe deep enough to console my soul.

The only joy i have recently is in helping other people, helping the professors, helping the staff, helping the needy on the streets, helping strangers etc. I just forget about the unhappy things when i'm doing something for others. And working with people really makes me happy.

I guess i want to matter to somebody ... at least.

Somebody who isn't prejudiced against me. Who doesn't judge me by my behaviour. Who just accepts me for who i am, regardless of my cold exterior.

Somebody who really appreciates me. Who understands me.

Here i am helping other people, when i can't even help myself hah. Well at least if i can do my part to make this world a better place, why not?

A big thanks to those who have been with me through all this and giving me encouragement all the way. I really appreciate your sincere concern and selflessness. May God bless you people.

I need to be strong, so that i can continue to be there for those who matter to me.

2006-09-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am really having trouble trying to express myself verbally with words liao ... cham le, cham le.

2 diff speech patterns today whilst speaking to Tenliw. One moment i was speaking in a jerky, unclear manner with horrible grammar and lousy accent. Then next moment i was speaking fluently, smoothly with concise grammar and not-too-bad-usual accent.

I DUNNO WASSUP WITH MY SPEECH!!!

It's either a confidence/self-concious problem, or there's something wrong with my throat or diaphram, or even my breathing. Or could be all factors combined!

My room is usually invaded by small bees at night, coz they are attracted to the lights. On Sunday night when i was sleeping, i suddenly woke up because there was a sharp pricking pain at my back. Then i brushed my hand around that area, and heard a familar small buzzing sound.

Immediately i got up, removed my shirt, and went to my bathroom mirror to check the painful area ... and YES, THERE WAS A BEE STING STUCK IN MY FLESH.

Not bad worh, first time kena stung by a bee, yay~

A little bit swollen, not very serious. But it was a shocking experience, stung when i was sleeping haha ... i think i rolled over the bee maybe.

I used a pincer to remove the sting, and went to sleep elsewhere... .

2006-09-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

I guess i may switch my major to Film after all. My love for Film is so deep i realise ..., i love everything about it. Just so intrigued over film language which subconciously affects us. I also find it so fun to be able to work with a group of people on locations sets.

I think i really really love to work with people to make things happen.

I do realise i'm not experienced in Film production, this is a very new area for me. There are so many other students more experienced than me like Teck Siang, Elgin, Michael, Zihan, Boo, Hanafi etc. Well i did started collecting good films about 5 years ago ... but back then i simply appreciated films for plot and characterization.

Nowadays when i watch a film, my eyes are constantly analyzing everything from lighting, editing, purpose of camera angles and movement, set design, composition, acting, dialogue ... it's crazy! Feng le~ Feng le~

I split my mind into two parts ... one part will analyze the film as a Film student, another part will watch the film as a layman.

Honestly i feel quite lousy now. Haiz. I really have much to learn from the others.

2006-09-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

Last night it rained.

I closed my eyes and listened to it's comforting softness.

And it reminded me of you ... .

Sighz.

2006-09-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

6 Sept. Wednesday. The first time in my whole life i told someone face to face, because you are worth it, i really mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I already knew wad to expect from you, just that i wanted to hear it from your own mouth.

A cheeky smile, those mischievous eyes, your sweet blush & drowsy voice. You are still the most beautiful person in my life~

淘气的笑容, 好玩的眼光, 粉红羞涩的脸露出淡淡的甜美, 还有那欲睡的笑声。你真的 ... 好令人喜欢哦~

Yupz, that's you.

Princess, i'll pray for you and the people in your life. Yiling has also prayed for you. How i long to see the cheerful person that i once knew.

2006-09-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

Just came home from Orchard. I haven't been there wandering for a long time, so today i decided to throw my animation work aside, and go explore my once usual hangout area. Got some DVDs recommended by Scotty at Heeren, went to Kino to find my magazine 'S', but dun have ... i hope i didn't miss the most recent issue.

Outside Paragon, i was approached by an auntie ( who actually appeared in the papers b4 ) who was selling charity tickets to raise funds for MKAC Association, to help Muslims who are in need of medical help etc.

I bought a few from her.

Then she warned me of another group going around selling stuff to help convicts. She described the workers as being well-dressed ladies. Recently they were selling pens and charity tickets, but it seems that they make photocopies of their tickets, to reuse? In that way, they can pocket some of the cash which was meant for charity. Auntie said she worked with that group before, but left because they were dishonest. She was carrying a folder with certificates and newspaper cut-outs of her charity work ... to show her credibility, she's quite an interesting person haha~

We sat down at a cafe table outside Paragon and had a talk. She requested for my help to inform the local press about the under-the-table practises of the other charity organisation. She wanted to pass me the pen and photocopied tickets sold by the other group to show the press, and to tell the press that these items were sold to me by that group. She said that i would be doing a public service.

But i told her, she should be the one doing it, not me. Firstly, she has first hand information and is an eye witness to the malpractices of that group. And she is clearer about those matters than me. All i know is based on wad she is telling me. But she was worried that the press might give her trouble. She told me that she already made a report to the IRA. So i told her, just leave the matters to the IRA, they will conduct investigations and checks on that organisation. Then she said she was feeling depressed. Depressed because there are such wrong-doings happening.

As i was walking around Orchard, and observing the people ... the way they talked, the way they dressed, their behaviour ... and thinking about dishonest charity organisations ... sigh. It reminded me of boo saying something about this "decaying world". Which is so true. How many people in this world truly uphold moral values? How many people uphold truth, righteousness, justice, and love?

Honestly i wish all humanity would just die off. This world has made me very pessimistic, thanks to the events that happened in my life years ago. I even prayed to die back then, that's how much i hate life. And i didn't want anyone to celebrate my birthday for me, because i was anti-life. Life Sux. Nuff said. There's nothing happy to look forward to. There is no purpose in life. Friends? Bah. I was always alone back then, coz i didn't need friends. Going around in a big group of friends ... i HATED that. Troublesome, Ding Dei, Slow ... .

Alone, i could do whatever i wanted. And i loved it. Lonliness? I learnt to embrace the quiet beautiful sad feeling of lonliness. Melancholy. It wasn't so bad really.

As i grew older ... i realised alot of things. I realised my parents were working so hard for the family. I realised i had friends who were sincerely concerned about me. I realised I should spend more time on cultivating and improving myself, rather than indulge in meaningless material wealth and entertainment. I realised that the world still had a few beautiful things in it. And i will do anything within my power to protect those things.

I know many people will hate me for saying this. But i DESPISE all of you who do not stand up for what is right, and do wrong without feeling guilty. Shame be upon you.

For me, no matter ups or downs, i will trust in my dear God who loves all of us so much, and who has constantly guided me in my life, correcting me when i am at fault, helping me when i am in trouble ... i have beared witness to the Lord's miracles in my life, and I Praise Him before you.

As decayed as the world is ... there are still beautiful things in life, and good people do exist too. I know they do, because I keep them around me =)

And when it is my turn to help them, i definitely will!

Nowadays, i guess i need to revert back to my loner self ... at least for a certain period of time. Please understand.

2006-09-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the ADM club committee for putting in so much effort to make ADM a better place for everyone, i feel tired for you people arh! ... i'm really quite touched by those who had been in the comm since it started, u people really came a long way. And many of us took you for granted, so sorry ok? haiz.

I only contributed to organising the first meeting regarding formation of student club at the student lounge, along with other group 2 people of course ... Diyannah, Weikeong, Lydia, Lincoln ... did i miss anyone out? That meeting was kinda insignificant wasn't it? heh.

The pro-temp committee really put in effort to understand NTU's SPASTIC system of administration ... i really really HATE NTU. But iloveadm!

I hope that the freshies will be motivated to partake in the responsibilities that we seniors assumed to make things happen in ADM.

And yes, the difference in working styles really caused hurt among us during FOC. I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, and work out our differences lorh... .

2006-09-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

The time has come, and i know i am asking for it.

I probably wun stand a chance, but it is something i have to do, because you are worth it. I pray that wadever the outcome, it will be good for both of us, at least it will end with a smile, rather than in hostility.

And even though i would like to be given a chance, i dun think ure ready for this to happen.

And life goes on... .

2006-09-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

Just came back from The Picturehouse. Watched "The Beat That My Heart Skipped" ( "De battre mon coeur s'est arrete" 2005) directed by Jacques Audiard. Wondering why it won so many awards. Now i see. It was interesting really, i appreciate the effort of the filming crew, the film language used, the subtle non-verbal communication, the long takes, the great acting etc. It is all evident in the film if you take notice.

And wad a coincidence, i met Wenshing at the entrance door of the cineplex, and she was catching the same show as me. She came directly after her dance class. Thank gawd no one else took the seat next to mine, so we sat together, and it was really nice to hear her crazy laughter again lol~

Nice to be with my favourite professor once again ... yak yak yak~

THE BEAT THAT MY HEART SKIPPED

Language: French with English subtitles
Genre: Drama
Director: Jacques AudiardCast: Romaine Duris, Niels Arestrup

A ne-'er-do-well, who works with two scheming real estate men, decides
to return to the playing the piano and envisions this to be a life-changing
event. While struggling to regain his mastery of the piano, with a Vietnamese
teacher, he is called upon by his partners to participate in shady deals and
even help one of them cheat on his wife.

Awards:
Won (2006) French Syndicate of Cinema Critics - Best Film
Won (2005) Silver Berlin Bear - Best Film Music
Nominated (2006) - BAFTA Film Award - Best Film not in the English Language
Nominated (2006) Cesar Awards, France - Best Film, Best Director, Best Actor
Nominated (2005) Golden Berlin Bear

2006-08-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm really quite sick of 2D animation, taking up so much of my time, forever in that room that smells funny. I need to spend more time playing with Maya, Final Cut Pro and ProTools. Need to familarise myself asap. I'm really not happy at my work, i know i can do alot better. This semester i want to concentrate on learning new stuff and improving myself, i want to go all out ... but i do get tired too haha~ I'm only human after all. Focus! Focus! Don't get distracted! If possible, i hope i can submit the short film i am doing for my school project to filmfests overseas, provided it turns out the way i envision it. It is something i am doing for my love of Singapore.

Recently i'm feeling very weird. After Royston laid hands on me, even though the holy spirit did not flow through me ( got stuck ), I felt the power of the spirit i think. It gave me a sense of awareness of everything happening around me. It felt like i was expecting those things to happen, because they are arranged to happen. My whole life was guided and i had nothing to worry about. It was a beautiful feeling. Even though my life isn't going too smoothly now, but i have nothing to worry about.

I kinda hope that the spirit would transform me, IF NECCESSARY. I know i probably seem like one of the coldest, gloomiest people on this Earth, but i wish people would see past my surface, because deep inside, i'm very friendly really, but also very very shy, and over-sensitive. If i think u r uncomfortable with me, i'll just leave u alone, so whether u wanna talk to me or not the choice is up to u. There are a few people in my life who have dared to open themselves to me, despite my coldness. I really appreciate people like that, and i'll open myself to them in return.

Then sometimes i just cannot relate to people, different conversational wavelength, so ... well i have nothing to say. All i can do is mind my own business. I feel quite uncomfortable in those situations. I'm not being antisocial, i juz feel out of place. =\

2006-08-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

Heard that School of Arts, Design & Media is gonna come under a main school, alongside with SCI and HSS, which means ADM will lose its 'independence'. There's nothing we can do really, unless we wanna hold a demostration to protest against it and get into loads of trouble ( whee ).

Our dear Dean and some of our professors are trying their best to fight for ADM's independence. But aiyah ... some things are beyond our control. So let's look on the bright side!

I dun mind the ADM building being shared by students from other faculties, let's be more gracious. Besides, can also share opinions with them, see their point of view. They do have their strengths we can learn from.

And it really isn't going to matter to others which school you graduated from. Out there, if you are from a good school, they expect more from you. But cmon ... famous designers aren't famous because of their schools, they are famous because of what they do, their quality of work, their portfolio.

As long as we still have the ADM building, as long as WE are still students of ADM, as long as we have our DEAR PROFESSORS who teach us tirelessly, i'm satisfied.

I'm in school to learn as much as i can. I wanna contribute to Singapore's creative industry.

2006-08-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

i'll accept whatever comes, but am i hoping for too much? I'm fighting for what i believe in. I believe. I still believe in you.

May the holy spirit guide me through my pain, and i have prayed that He will keep you safe from harm and evil, and may He help you grow in health, understanding and patience.

I'm waiting for the right time, the right moment ... to let you know something i have always wanted to tell you with my own lips.

How it ends, it doesn't matter. We'll always be friends. I promise. =)

2006-08-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

A long week for me and my family. My Ah Gong ( grandfather ) passed away last week, the doctor already said he didn't have much time left. Even when he was eating his food, his gaze was staring into blank space ahead, never looking at what he ate, this was what my Popo ( grandmother ) observed. This is a sign that someone will be going away soon, from traditional chinese beliefs. He was hospitalised before this, for his old age health problems, then he came back home for 2 days, and then he requested to go back to the hospital. The next day he passed away in the hospital.

I love my mother's side of the family, my grandparents, uncles and aunties. I had spent alot of time with my Ah Gong since i was young, picking out for him 4D numbers, talking to him, well i saw how he slowly aged as i grew older myself. How he grew more and more fragile. He had 2 wives, and 2 families were present during his funeral. It was the first time i got to see my Ah Gong's other family.

I'm not sad over my Ah Gong's death, because i know he lived a fulfilling and good life, travelled very often too! Death is a transition to the next world. Life would be meaningless for him because he can't enjoy his favourite food and do the stuff he likes anymore in his recent fragile state.

I prayed that God would recieve Ah Gong into His Kingdom and take care of him there. My Ah Gong is a good, responsible, hardworking man.

I guess it was an emotional period for my mother and her side of the family, especially my Popo. She looked quite calm during the wake and the funeral process. But ...

I will never forget how she broke into tears and cried when the coffin containing the body of my grandfather, inched slowly nearer and nearer to the incinerator on an automated platform, departing from all of us as we looked, for the very last time.

And the incinerator doors closed.

The death and final goodbye of a loved one.

I hope my Popo will be fine, and take things easy. I'll pray for her too. I feel happy for Ah Gong who is now in the next world, who will no longer feel the pains of mortality. My sorrow and concern is for my mum's family, especially my Popo.

Those whom we have lost in this world, we'll all see each other again in the next world, in time to come. And we will rejoice then~

2006-08-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

Even though it's been some time, the things you said to me, still float around in my head. I can't believe you said those things to me. I don't blame you, but u know ... u really hurt me.

Just what is on your mind, i really want to know? With that kind of expression on your face, it's obvious alot of things are going on in your head. I am so aware of your self-consciousness, are you aware of that? Are you aware that i am aware of you? But are you even aware of me? Maybe it's just me thinking that you are aware of me? Do i even matter? Maybe not even. Maybe i'm just imagining things.

I want to talk to you. I want to share your problems, your difficulties, your laughter, your interests, your life.

I thank you for breaking the ice between us ... but i really have nothing much to say now, coz i dunno wads going on in ur life. But if the chance comes, i will come to you, i promise.

Remember this ... you deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are.

You really mean alot to me. I wish i had the chance to be by ur side.

2006-08-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

I still want to believe. But i think it was never about me. Not even the slightest bit. I guess all i have done really doesn't make a difference.

I don't like it when u say "it doesn't matter". Because i really want it to matter. I really want to matter. And how i wish you would let me.

I try my best to be natural and pretend nothing's going on. But deep inside, i have so much to tell you. And how i long to know wad's on ur mind.

Am i even worthy to be a fragment of your thoughts? I thought we were getting along well before ... you were so nice to me, i wish you weren't. Or else i would not have misunderstood. But what's done is done, it cannot be undone.

Do you want me to let go? Do i have to? I can't bear to ... i really dun want to.

I believe in you.

And i have always done my best to be there for you and help u grow.

But i feel so unappreciated ... .

Ubin Day update

2006-08-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

skimming stones competition

wo de tian kong~~

Stealing the monkey's durians!

Under Construction...

2006-08-09T04:24:00.000-07:00

The day we invaded Ubin, fought with monkeys over durians, and ... watched fireworks at Esplanade

Shifted.

2006-08-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

Shifted. Shifted.